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August 30, 2007
Am I addicted to my kids?
Ok, I have a question for all of you stay-at-home moms who actually read this (I realize there is only probably one of you, but I thought we'd share the discussion:))... Is it possible to be addicted to your children? I never had this problem while I was working and not with them so much, but ever since I've been staying home and with them every breathing second I find it much harder to leave them. Here is the situation: yesterday while I was swimming at the Y I had this incredibly strong urge that I needed to plan a getaway for Duffy and myself. I could not shake the feeling, and even though we have less than zero extra money lying around the urge was so strong that I felt that even if we have to take money from our emergency fund or put it on a credit card, we need some time to ourselves, especially before this baby comes. (My usually gung-ho Dave Ramsey side utterly crumbled). So, when we got home I emailed our favorite little b+b in the N.Georgia mountains and found out they had some availability. The next step was lining up some incredibly sacrificial friends to watch our munchkins. Some friends emailed back saying they could do it, so we should be all set, right? Well, now I start having second thoughts. If it was just one night away that would be fine, but I think two nights away and I would be miserable. So we decided to look into getting a cabin and all of us going away for a weekend, which would be way way too expensive, but I spent hours looking anyway. This morning, I feel like "Oh well, it was nice to dream" and it looks like we may not get-away to anywhere---(to which the budget is breathing a huge sigh of relief).
SO, does anyone else experience this kind of *anxiety* or *unsurety* about leaving their children (mind you, we've already left Owen lots, but again it was while I was working)? It's not because I am not certain about who we are leaving them with either--these are people I trust. It's kind of like I will be partially gone if I am away from my kids. Do I just need to do it, or is it something that will come easier when they get older?Even when I take them to the Y childcare while I am still in the building, after about an hour I feel this need to be back with them. I did have a thought the other day that it is kind of strange to leave little ones (maybe under 3 or 4) with someone other than mommy or daddy, as they really have no voice for themselves and no control over what happens to them, but I don't think this is my main concern.
Any insight friends? There are probably two real issues here---the leaving the progeny problem and the desire to rebel against the budget. I am open to thoughts or advice on either issue. This is much easier than seeing a psychiatrist, I must say.
| By amy | 11:09 AM
Comments
I totally know what you mean. It is very difficult for me to plan that sort of thing. I think the urge that you have to get away with Duffy is so important. Because when you're children are grown you will have only one person living with you, Duffy! It's important, beyond all budgets, to have time with your husband. It doesn't have to be for any reason other than: I love you, I need our relationship to be cultivated, lets not wait any longer for a bigger sign, lets just GO! So even though you guys probably are great and love being together as a family, sometimes Duffy needs your attention. Those leisurely walks, intentional quiet times, conversations that aren't interupted by kids or shadowed in drowsiness are valuable. They charge batteries and get you ready for those newborn-we-don't-get-to-go-anywhere-for-a while days. Good post, I need some time with Joel too. At least a quiet convo while I give him a much needed haricut!
Posted by: katiek at August 30, 2007 03:03 PM
Whether stay at home moms or work outside the home moms neither hold a monopoly on this incurable addiction..in fact working outside the home may only have made "craving" stronger - possibly out of some sense of guilt for missing out on even one single moment or possibly because the days passed too quickly and the time spent was too limited - the "craving" just couldn't be satisfied and it still can't... for you see, I'm still addicted to my children and as they have children, the circle of love continues and I just can't get enough of them either.
Posted by: H at August 30, 2007 09:00 PM
Go, my dear, GO!!! The budget is less important than your relationship with Duffy. You won't get this chance again for a long time. Not only will a newborn cramp the style again but adding that third child makes finding willing & able babysitters harder and harder (esp as your friends add kids of their own into their households). You need to make sure you cultivate your relationship with Duffy above all others and the kids' security will spring from that. You also need to be more and more diligent about intentionally nurturing your "other than kids" interests so you can refuel yourself wholly.
In short: Yes, you can be addicted to your kids. Love them, enjoy them, revel in them - and make sure you always have at least one other topic of interest to talk about to other adults.
GO!!!
Posted by: lynnp at August 31, 2007 12:05 AM
Alone. You and Duffy go alone.
Posted by: lynnp at August 31, 2007 12:07 AM
lynnp is a very wise, intelligent woman... listen to her... a voice of experience.
Posted by: H at August 31, 2007 06:39 AM
Those are not the answers I expected to hear to be honest (maybe that means all the more that we really do need some time away). THANK YOU for your encouragement and confirmation. Now I am looking forward to our weekend away--2 whole nights, can you believe it??
Posted by: Amy at August 31, 2007 08:36 AM
